his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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