im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
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She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
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I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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