well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
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just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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