Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
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I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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