My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize