Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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