You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
