Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
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Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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