Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize