dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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