i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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