so explain again why im purple
no
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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