drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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