I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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