I must be too annoying 4 u.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
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I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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