i just sent this text using only my big toe
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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