my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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