Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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