sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize