Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
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He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
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I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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