I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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