Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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