A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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