He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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