I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
In other news, I just burned my penis
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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