I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize