I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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