I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
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You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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