Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize