I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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