Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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