There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize