Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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