ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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