Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
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I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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