Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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