she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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