Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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