btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
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Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
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I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize