I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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