i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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