don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
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You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
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I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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