The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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