I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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