Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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