hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
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So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
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Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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