I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
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