When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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