I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
