Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
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In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
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Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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