What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
